RCPS Needs Volunteer Peer Support Providers to help support those in our community.

Liam's Story

(Vicarious Trauma Advisory!)

I am a peer with loads of lived experience with both mental health challenges and life challenges.

I grew up disabled, experiencing chronic pain and as young child experienced sexual abuse by various men that my father's girlfriend had over while he was away working. In my early teens when I came out as gay to my mother she kicked me out of our home and disowned me. I lived on the streets and in youth homeless shelters for a short period of time until I was abducted and sexually molested by a man until I escaped. Afterwards I was placed in the foster care system because my mother did not want to care for me; where I was again molested, by one of my foster brothers. After that experience I was placed in a youth mental health facility until I was later placed in another foster home until I aged out of the system and then became homeless again on the streets of Portland, Or. In and out of shelters, camps, and friends' houses I entered in a relationship with someone who turned out to be abusive and after he broke my leg I needed a fresh start and moved to San Francisco, Ca.

I initially stayed in a transitional living facility for LGBT youth until I was kicked out and had money stolen by one of their staff. As I legally became an adult I did not want to stay in an adult mens homeless shelter and identified as Trans and stayed in a womens shelter and started going back to school to get my high school diploma, which I eventually received. Around the same time, I got my first living space in an SRO as I was receiving social security income. I entered into an relationship with someone who turned out to be mentally and verbally abusive and it wasn't until after many years that I got to a place where I could advocate for myself and end that relationship, but I did.

After that last relationship ended, I started volunteering as a crisis and national suicide prevention lifeline counselor at Crisis Support Services of Alameda County in Oakland, where I was living at the time. I was eventually hired as paid staff as a shift supervisor. Later on, I was hired to pilot a Hospital Follow Up program under the Zero Suicide initiative where I worked to support Survivors of Suicide Attempts after they were released from the hospital. I decided to move on from CSS in pursuit of opportunities with increased salary where I took a job as a program coordinator for the California Warmline at Mental Health Association of San Francisco. I decided to make that job my career and my heart/soul and worked there for about a year also while meeting my partner who is also one of my best friends. My relationship with the Warmline and MHASF ended due to differences in leadership style and opinion, and though I left I still value my time there and the work the warmline does. This happened during the initial outbreak of Covid-19 and a result from the loss of my income, my partner and I could no longer afford our rent. We decided to move in with his mother in Lake Elsinore, CA.

My partner and I, both being on unemployment assistance decided that we would shift our lives away from past negative experiences and instead focus on ourselves, our health, our happiness, and how we could move forward and best put our skills and experience to use.

However, as life experiences always happen, be them positive or negative, we had an altercation with my partners brother and uncle who were intoxicated that became violent. This incident left me and my partner and our animal companions homeless. We found friends for our two cats to stay with, and another to care for our ball python. As for my partner and I and our dog, Nanni, we decided to live on the road for a while until we could get on our feet.

We ended up on a four-month road trip vacation where we visited friends and family, and got to see and experience many wonderful places and meet many amazing people. we stayed near pando the largest living organism in utah. We saw two native brothers get into a car accident and flip the car into the shoulder of an arizona highway and surprisingly were unhurt and we stayed with them until helped arrived. We saw many national parks and landmarks, such as carlsbad caverns national monument, black hills national forest where we expereinced an unexpected and magnificent lightning storm and also saw wind cave, jewel cave and mt. rushmore, and we stayed in and explored grand teton/yellowstone national parks, and we nearly died in a record-breaking heat wave in portland, or at 118 degrees f.

We retuned back to california after we secured housing where we currently live here in Riverside County. After returning, my partner and I both needed to figure out what we needed and wanted to do with our lives. My partner chose to work to financially support us, while with his support I started working on developing this orginisation and that is what I will continue to do.

My current mental health:

Right now, the most challenging thing for me is coping with my chronic pain and health conditions which most impactful is living with severe insomnia and the chronic pain. The insomnia is a result of my chronic pain with contribution from having general anxiety and restlessness. My sleep schedule is a hot mess in which for example, as I wrote this I could not sleep until about 1pm earlier today and woke up about an hour ago at 9:30pm. For me, the chronic pain overrides my desire and need to sleep, and I am only able to sleep when my body shuts down. Other challenging things for me include dealing with financial insecurity and waiting to hear back from social security if my application is approved and feeling somewhat at unease and sad because of the holiday season and being estranged from family.

My current roadblocks and barriers to access:

Finding appropriate mental healthcare is a hellish nightmare. For the last year and a half, I have had limited success in getting any kind of mental healthcare. I've had several short telehealth visits with a clinical therapist about a year ago. Since I moved to Murrieta, I have spent countless hours trying to find a therapist and have been on waitlists. I believe it is important that everyone should have access to mental healthcare and also be able to choose the mental healthcare that is appropriate and comfortable for you. Not just whatever happens to be available. For me this means getting to choose which therapist or mental healthcare worker that I work with and feel comfortable with that person. I just recently started seeing a clinical psychologist after being on their waitlist for months and I initially had reservations working with a clinical provider, but I gave it a shot. This provider after working with her for a couple of weeks said she was going to transfer me to a new provider, which still has not happened as of yet.

My current coping skills and strategies for success:

I have always found myself to be resilient and strong. I overcome challenges that are presented to me and I process the emotions that result. For me, the most important things that help be continue to be strong and resilient are my relationships with my partner and the few close friends that I have. Music is critically important for me and helps me process and feel my emotions. The music I connect with helps me stay grounded and reminds me to keep having hope and faith in life. My relationship and love for my animal companions, and all animals is also a great source of strength. I currently have several animal companions; a female dog by the name of Nanni, two cats a male named Moon and a female named Sheba, and I also have a female ball python named Tiny. Nature is also very important to me. I love hiking, backpacking, camping, and just loosing myself in the beauty of the backcountry.

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